Dating inter-racially has it's hurdles. In fact, there seem to be so many hurdles, that some people make the decision to avoid them completely. One such hurdle that is discussed often is the belief that dating inter-racially is an expression of self-hate. This belief produces feelings of guilt and the idea that one is somehow betraying others.
But is dating out self hate? The word hate is a pretty strong word and is universally understood. But the term - SELF - seems to divide some people. Some people identify very strongly with their race, and consider there -RACE- to be their -SELF-. And while our race is certainly a part of who each and every one of us are, our race is not our self, our race is merely our genes which determine skin tone, hair color and texture, and facial features. One's self does not reside in the genes. One's self resides in the soul. Our "selves" refer to each individual, and each individual alone. While we feel closeness to our parents, our children, perhaps other members of our nationality, or race, or - SELVES- are ours and ours alone.
Hatred of course comes in many forms. Some hatred is directed towards individuals, while other forms are directed towards groups. The only form of individual based hatred that could be considered self-hatred is if you hate, well, yourself, and yourself alone. There are some group forms of hatred that can also be considered self hatred. For example, if you express hatred towards a group of people that you happen to be a member of, that could be considered self-hatred. If I as a man express hatred for humanity, that is a form of self-hatred. But if I is a man express hatred towards women, while being an expression of hatred, it is not actually SELF-hatred.
I've heard it commonly expressed that dating inter-racially is an expression of self hatred based on a couple different ideas. Black men who date inter-racially are often said to express self-hatred when their perceived reason for doing so is because they "hate" black women. Granted, in cases such as these, or when black men date inter-racially while making denigrating remarks towards black women, it IS a form of hatred. But like the above example of a man who expresses hatred for women, a black man that expresses hatred for black women is NOT expressing SELF-hatred, for the group that they are expressing hatred for is not a group in which they belong to. Now, that doesn't make it any better, or more acceptable, it is just making a justification, that black men who express animosity towards black women are not acting out of SELF-hatred, but are acting on common everyday HATRED.
Another reason that is sometimes used to rationalize that black men who date inter-racially are acting on self-hatred is the belief that the black men in question have adopted the ideology of white supremacy. However, one cannot conclude that just because a man sees white WOMEN as ideal, that the man is adopting the ideology of white supremacy. White supremacy is the belief that white PEOPLE are superior to all others. If a black man truly believed in such an ideology, he would not just put white women on a pedestal, but white MEN as well. If this were happening, the black man in question would most likely have white male role-models, listen to white male musicians, be fans of white athletes, idolize white actors, and pursue friendships with white males. In cases such as this, there very well MIGHT be a belief in white supremacy. However, in instances in which the black man in question does NOT put white men on a pedastal (which from my own personal experience includes just about ALL of them), the claim of white supremacy just doesn't add up. What about when black men date white women, yet listen to hip hop? If there is an industry that puts the black male more front and center than hip hop, I have yet to hear of it. What about black men who date white women but only have black male role-models? Many black males who date white women seem to somewhat look DOWN on white men.
The idea that these men are following the ideology of white supremacy does not add up. A more accurate ideology would be the idea that black=male and white=female; or put in another way the belief that the black race is a "masculine" race and the white race is a "feminine" race. This ideology would explain why black men who chase after white women think highly of themselves, but not black women. This would also explain why these men put all things white and "feminine" on a pedestal while looking down on white males. While this notion, that black = male and white = female would most likely be seen as offensive to white males and black females (for obvious reasons), it is not hard to see why some black men might find this mindset appealing. With this mindset, the black man becomes the alpha male and the the envy of all men. As the alpha male, he naturally deserves the alpha female (white woman). In this mindset, it is only NATURAL to the black man in question that he end up with a white female. The fact that black women suffer as a result of this mindset is of course no concern to those who embrace it.
And many black women seem to mistake this philosophy that black= masculine with black=bad. They don't recognize that it with this ideology that it is only black FEMALES that = bad, not black males. As a result of this misinterpretation, some black women vow to date ONLY black men with hopes of re-affirming black beauty, when in reality they are only re-affirming that black= masculine.
While we've covered the topic of hatred, let's touch on the subject of love. It is human nature to look out for and protect the best interest of those whom we love. Keep this in mind when addressing the issue of black men dating out and disrespecting black women. Whose best interest are they looking out for? I think the answer goes without saying. And with this in mind it seems quite obvious to me the one thing that black men and black women have most in common. Black men and black women both love black men.